Self Torture Mental Sickness

Yesterday was the first day of XFest, a mash up of musicians from the area with some visitors from NYC and Montreal.  Each set is comprised of two regional and one visiting performer.  Nothing is predetermined, all music or sound pieces created on the spot.  As with last year I performed in the first set of the festival with a trumpet player from Boston I really admire and a guitarist from NYC. 

All day I was tearing myself up, wondering what the hell I was doing devoting my time for creative expression to performing these sound collages on bicycle wheels.  Is it any good?  Is there some relevance to what I'm doing?  Or is it misguided garbage just pissing away the energy into the dumpster?   I was really being hard on myself.  Then we got down to the 119 Gallery where it all takes place and I saw Walter who curates the festival. And Skot Id M from Portland.  Eli came with me too.  I set up and then came Forbes and the guitarist. 

Anyhow, we played and there were some truly magic moments there and all my self torture just melted away.  I have a posse and they were all there.  Later in the evening another fellow sound explorer performed on a couple of small cardboard boxes bound together with rubber bands and a coffee can hanging from his mic stand by a piece of wire.  It's good to have community, even the nuts need it.